3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize