The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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