im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize