I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
