So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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