What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
