there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
