If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
