i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize