She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
