She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
