But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
