I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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