i barfeds in our rink
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
