oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
