Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
