It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
