I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
