I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love you. Go after that dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
