i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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