I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
