im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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