I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
