I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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