i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
