so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
