i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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