I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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