he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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