why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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