An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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