I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize