We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
