you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
