from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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