woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
