A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
