Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize