In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
