I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize