Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
