I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
