In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
