Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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