Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
