4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
