Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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