She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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