i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
