I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
