For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
