Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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