Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
