Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize