OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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