we're chasing vodka with high fives
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
