well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
