Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
