dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
