I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
