Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
