glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize