tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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