Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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