Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
