we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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