Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
